Turtle Man Returns!

Yes, he came back! The dummy!

So, on Friday of the same week of the first encounter, Preston came home to have lunch. When he came in the house he informed me that the red Cadillac was loitering in front of the second gate. (In case you've never been here: The property we live on is a long rectangular shape. There are two gates on either side of the property both facing South. The house is very close to the main gate on the East side of the property. The second gate is on the far end away from the house on the West side. Nearer to the East main gate in front of my house is a little walk though gate leading to "the front door" that we only use to let the dogs in the front yard. All clear? Well, moving on.) The news that he was nearby at all made me nervous but I decided that I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that Grant was on his way over to meet him. It was decided on Monday during his first encounter that if he ever steps foot on the property again, for whatever reason, that he would be escorted by Grant. I later found out that he still has some stuff here that he wants back.

After Preston finished his lunch and left half an hour later he called me and told me that Turtle Man Turd was STILL sitting there and also that he glared at him as he drove by. Of course the wussy would wait till all the men were gone to make his move! After that long of just sitting there I'm thinking he can't be up to any good so I called Grandad, who called Grant, and then he called me back and told me that Grant had told Turtle Man repeatedly that he couldn't come that day because he was on his way out of town for the weekend. Grandad himself was in Prescott at the time too. Lucky me, I'm all alone with Chloe. Fortunately she was taking a nap during all of this. While I was talking to Grandad he asked me to check if the guy was still out there. When I walked out front through my "front door" and looked there was a black SUV sitting next to him. Upon closer inspection it turned out to be a sheriff. Grandad felt better and we got off the phone. I immediately wished I hadn't hung up yet when Turtle Man got out of his car and stared running towards me!

I started edging towards the door and trying to shoo the dogs back into the house (they were ignoring me because they had noticed the crazy person running towards us as well and were in the midst of barking passionately at him in what I think they see as a valiant attempt at being guard dogs). I was prepared to leave them there and go in by myself if I needed to. During all of this I was wondering to myself "Why, why, why is the sheriff not stopping him???" I almost got all to the door when the sheriff's SUV started to pull away. Again I'm thinking "So that's it??? That's all you're gonna do for me???" and he flipped a U and managed to pull up to my little gate before "it" did and asked if I knew the "gentleman running behind" him.

I replied as quickly as I could before "it" got to my gate. "Yes, he was escorted off this property by the police the other night." Sudden understanding dawned on the old mans face.

I then tried to tell him about the original run-in. I kept stumbling over my words and getting flustered because I wanted to be as close to the truth as possible so that "the idiot" standing there would have no reason to correct me or call me a liar. I needn't have tried so hard because he had made up his own bullpoo story anyways to make him look like the martyr he so wished he was. I managed to get out the basics and told the sheriff that everyone had come to the agreement that he could come with Grant to get his stuff. ONLY Grant. His crap was in fact inside of Grant's pod with Grant's other belongings.

During my rendition I was repeatedly interrupted whenever my own truthful story veered off course with his bullpoo one. Though he never actually spoke to me and I was grateful for that. The sheriff would interrupt him back and say something like "Be quiet, the young lady is speaking, you already had your turn." "I told you to be quiet." "Shut UP!" They got progressively more and more violent. Also, I noticed Turtle Man was wearing a shiny silver and orange hat that said "I ♥ Jerusalem". The heart was dark pink and the silver brim was blinding in the sun. He looked stupid.

Having had my say (which was obvious that the sheriff believed me miles more over "it") "it" tried to repair the holes in his once shiny and slightly incomplete story which at this point I had heard nothing of. These are his words in my best "stupid person voice" that you can't hear but it's how I tell it in real life: "Well that Grant person makes me uncomfortable because he assaulted me and hit me in the head with a nightstick. I called the cops that night. He harassed me and wouldn't let me get my stuff and was trying to make me leave and so he hit me on the head with a nightstick and I called the police. And I called him today and he wont come." Riii-iiiiiiight...

The sheriff then told him that he had two options: 1- He could wait and come with Grant ("but I don't like Grant cause he hit me on the head with a nightstick" "I told you to shut up") or 2- he could get a court order to be allowed on the property for 30 min to an hour with a police escort ("how do I get that?" "shut up and I'm gonna tell you").

For obvious reasons, I didn't favor option 2. Several things were repeated to "it" and the story was getting it's gaps filled in for the sheriff. At this point, the sheriff got a call on the radio and was trying to sort it out. In the absence of his attention "it" made his first attempt to talk directly to me. I didn't like that very much. "I just need to grab a couple things, it'll take me 10 minutes and I will leave and you'll never see me again." On principle, at this point, I had to decline, as tempting as it was for me to never have to worry about seeing him again. "NO!!!" I shouted, while stomping my foot like an angry 6 year old not getting her way, "You can come with Grant! I don't like you! You make me uncomfortable!" I realized as I said it that it wasn't really the wisest thing to say to a crazy person. "I don't want you on the property without Grant! How many times do you have to be told NO?!?" I almost cried but managed to cling to my keeping it together facade.

I needed to talk to Grant and KNOW exactly what Grant had said to him and why. We had been having what was becoming a circular conversation for about 15-20 minutes by now, it was getting old and I wanted to confirm with the sheriff the absolute truth. So I called Grandad for Grant's phone number. When he asked why and what was going on my brain shut off and I started crying because it was the logical thing to do. Anyways, me being unable to talk the sheriff offered to explain so I gave him my phone and he started to tell Grandad what was going on. When he got to the part about Grant needing to come with him, "it" interrupted him again, "I'm not comfortable with that Grant person because he hit me on the head with a nightstick." I love this sheriff for his final response to being interrupted yet again. In a loud, intimidating, reminds-you-of-that-bada**-old-man-in-the-movies voice, he stuck a finger in Turtle Man's face and shouted "If you don't SHUT UP I'm gonna SLAP you in the FACE!!!"

I have to say, that made my day, month, and possibly year.

I was given back  my phone and told Grandad that I would call back in a bit for Grant's number cause I still wanted to talk to him and we hung up. The sheriff told "it" for the last time that there was nothing that could be done today and that he was to get in his car, drive away and not to come back without Grant or a court order. He did and I sighed with relief. Once "it" walked away for his car the sheriff got in his car, didn't say anything to me but instead gave me an out of place cheesy grin with a double thumbs up. Needless to say, I wasn't crying anymore.

I did talk to Grant and he told me that he had been trying to meet up with Turtle Man all week long and that Turtle Man was the one that had been mysteriously unavailable until the day Grant was going out of town. I had to ask him about the nightstick and he laughed but never actually denied it and said "The guy is delusional" repeatedly. I decided that if he had hit him that Turtle Man deserved it, and if he really hadn't... well, he deserved it anyways.

Sorry this is being posted so long after the actual incident but the whole thing made me angry and I didn't feel like spending the energy on being angry. I feel better now, so the story is less angry sounding and more funny.

About a week later I saw him drive away from the property with his stuff followed out by Grant. I guess he wasn't THAT uncomfortable with Grant after all.

THE END